Tag Archives: reflections

Living large in a small (?) place

27 Feb

I see my last post was in December.  If you’ve read that post, you surely realize I have been busy.  Trying new things, meeting new people,   I am indeed living large in a small place.

So why the (?) in the title?  Well. that is a story in itself.  I’m living in basically a one room apartment.  There are no windows except a 6″ gap at the top of the front door and about the same at the top of the bathroom window.  This was formerly a storeroom and all the windows have been closed off.  Although I say I’m living in a one room apartment, the apartment really has two rooms, with a big opening between them.  That other part is for other family members’ use and I rarely do anything there.  It does, however, serve as a very welcome sense of space, in what would otherwise–for me–be a somewhat claustrophobic place!  Also, there is a connecting door to the business area, that I can open (at times) and see windows and more light.

Then, too, there is the whole outside area!  I am close to nearly everything.  Within walking distance of drug store, grocery, post office, several restaurants and the river,  This is mostly what makes it possible for me to live here.  I love light.  I have a son who liked his bedroom in the basement.  Not me.  If I go for very long without light and sun, I start being very grumpy.  And living in this low-light apartment forces me out.  So even on cool cloudy, rainy days, I’m usually outside for at least part of the day.  I may be in the car, instead of walking, but I’m out.

And speaking of being in the car—I’ve found so many things to do in the surrounding areas.  To me, Jacksonville seems to be one of the most beautiful cities I’ve ever been in.  It is so easy to get around and the traffic isn’t too terrible even in the busiest times.   I’ve been driving around a lot.  And I find so much to look at and take pics of.  So much I eventually want to draw.  There are parks all over.  There is the river, well I should say rivers.  Because there are several.  And all of the shopping. Beautiful older homes.  Little quaint areas with very narrow streets.  Sailboats dotting the river landscape.  The downtown skyline.    Then there is the beach, although for some strange reason, I find myself drawn more to the rivers than the beach.  But I still enjoy the beach and will probably spend more time there.

I’ve found many new friends on meet-up.com.  I’ve also found some groups that sounded like something I might be interested in–but realized (thankfully before I joined them) that some group titles aren’t what one might think.  Another learning experience for me!

Back to my small apartment.  I’ve been interested in small spaces for a long time, and find I really love this size place.  It has everything I need!  It’s amazing how little it really takes to live.  In fact the only thing I would eventually miss that I don’t have room for is my piano and my garden.  It is so convenient and easy to keep clean.  I think that is because when things get messy I notice it more.  Instead of stuff strung all around the house, it is right there in front of me.

In fact I love it so much down here that I have been dreading going back.  Then it occurred to me—I don’t really have to.  Perhaps this is a time in my life for some me time.  I can try it for awhile and see what the summer is like.  I don’t have to commit to any time frame.  Maybe I can spend time both places.  Or maybe I will find I tire of this.  Who knows?  The thing I’m savoring now, is that I have that choice.

I want to add some pics and describe some of the places I’ve been.  But that will have to be in the future.  Just now I’m enjoying the doing!  Loving my small place, made large by the outdoor world.

My changeable life

27 Dec

Seems like it’s been ages since I posted.  It’s not that I’ve been too busy–although I have been busier than usual.  Maybe I just didn’t have anything to say.  Or maybe nothing I wanted to share.

It’s funny.  Sometimes I just can hardly wait to write, to get my thoughts down, whether anyone reads them or not.  But other times, even though I have thoughts, sometimes many of them, it seems I have to keep them to myself–at least for awhile.  And then there are times–like today–where I really don’t have any specific thought or theme, yet I want to write.  So I meander around and somehow end up with something readable–at least I hope so.

I’ve really enjoyed the traveling I’ve done this fall and early winter.  I can’t remember a time when I had such leisurely trips.  I had enough time to get to where I was going without having to push.  And some trips didn’t even have a specific deadline, which I thoroughly took advantage of.

I took lots of pics.  Some I want to try to paint or draw.  Yet most of the pics don’t do justice to the scenes.  Not that most of the scenes were so great.  But I was awed again by the splendid beauty of nature and the touches we humans add to the mix.  I found myself enjoying both.

In a trip to Minnesota I marveled at the changing scenery.  I would be driving along, seeing mile after mile of cropland.  America’s breadbasket, my father used to say.  Then just when I was getting a little tired of it, the scene would change to rolling hills with trees in the canyons.  Or I would be on the plains, only to drop down into a little village in the river bottom.  Then climb back up to the table land again.  There were be woody areas, followed by vast open, slightly rolling land.  Places I would come up over a hill and I could see for miles.  And open areas where the sky seemed so big and the road went on and on.  So thrilling to see and be driving through!   I didn’t get pics of all that I would have liked, because this was a one person road trip and I really didn’t want to stop EVERY time I saw something I liked.  And often I was past before it registered and I would think: Oh, I wish I had a pic of that!

Then there were a couple of trips to Mississippi.  One had a bit of a deadline going down, but not coming back.  Again, I loved that.  On the second trip, I headed on to northern Florida where I plan to stay for the winter.  On all these trips I enjoyed being able to plan my own route, to be able to get off the beaten path, to see something new, just because it took my fancy.  Such freedom!  And memories that make me smile as I think of them.  Nothing big or grand, but special just the same.

As I write this I realize that I have found some of the joys of being alone.  Not that I don’t still miss my husband.  I do.  Sometimes, still, so much that it makes me ache.  Yet I’m slowly learning that I can still have a life and that I can enjoy that life.

The trips, and subsequent decision to winter in Florida came about because I knew I would just vegetate if I remained home, especially as cooler weather approached.  I used to love winter, enjoyed playing in the snow and even shoveling walks.  But the older I got, the colder the winters seemed, especially after the death of my husband.

Contemplating another cold winter alone, I knew I had to make some changes.  Even though I had added some activities in my life since the last winter, I knew I wouldn’t want to even get out to do them if it was cold, or bad weather.  Henceforth the trips and the idea of wintering in Florida.

So, now I’m in Florida, in the Jacksonville area.  The weather is wonderful!  Last week was in the 70’s and 80’s. I was thinking that I had brought way too warm of clothing.  But it did cool off a bit for Christmas.  Today it is sweater weather for me. But I’ve noticed most of the ‘natives’ wearing jackets.  I’ve been walking a lot.  Not every day, but certainly more than I have for a long while.  I love exploring my neighborhood on foot, taking pics of special things or things I may want write about or try to draw/paint later.

In my head I am, even now, composing new posts to add of my activities while here.  However,there is so much to do down here.  So many things that I will have to pick and choose carefully. Cause I don’t want to be so busy that I don’t have the quiet times that I so need.  Or the time to do some unplanned, spur of the moment things.   And I know as I add more things to my calendar, I may not feel the need to write.  Then again, I may.  The only thing I can accurately be assured of about myself is that I am changeable!

Feeling the itch to write

12 Aug

I knew It had been quite a while since I had posted, but was surprised that it has been two months.  Needless to say, I’ve had a busy summer.

Needless to say—what a strange expression.  If one doesn’t need to say something, why say it?  Yet sometimes we feel we need to point out or accent the obvious.  Just one example of how strange we humans can be.

Although I have been busy, I have still found moments to contemplate.  I’ve thought about writing several times, but never had the need to.  Which tells me, again, how this blog is as much for me as it is for my readers.

I love it when I see there are people following my blog.  I especially love the comments.  And the stats continue to inspire me.  Yet I’m not really writing for others, although I hope what I write will interest others.  I write because I NEED to.  I’m not sure why that is, it is just how it is.

This blog is my outlet.  The one place where I can say what I’m thinking about without fearing I’m boring others.  It’s a place where can get my thoughts out, where I can think as I write.

I have been thinking of what a strange person I am.  How changeable.  After I looking at some of my earlier posts.  I noticed in one post I mention of how I want to be “in the moment” really experiencing life.  In another I tell how of how I fill hours with my stories, times when I’m certainly NOT “in the moment”.  I guess it is just that I need different things at different times.

For instance, I get energy by being with people.  Yet I must have my quiet times.  It is the quiet times where I recharge.  If I don’t have the quiet times, I soon run out of energy and don’t want to be with people.  But if the quiet, being alone times, drag out too long, then I lose energy.  I retreat too far within myself.  When I realize that  is happening I know I must make the effort to get with people again, to get involved with something.  As I reflect on this, I wonder if maybe that is part of why I have so many different interests or outlets.  Maybe some of them are just tools, so to speak, to get me out of a rut, to pull me back into the swing of things.

I have been aware lately of how the experiences in life changes my perspective or response to things.  After my divorce, I was filled with energy and desire to experience different activities and social situations.  Yet, now, five years after the death of my husband, I am just beginning to feel that pull to the social scene.  I have forced myself to join in because I knew I needed it.  And I have enjoyed the activities.  But, now, I realize I want to get more involved with life.  I wonder if forcing myself out into society is what has given me the desire or if time has just done its work.

Along with wanting more social activities, I find myself wanting other changes.  I am a very changeable person.  If fact, I believe I thrive on change.  Changeable interests, activities,and even the desire to be in different places.   Many times just reading or thinking about these desires is enough.  But, other times, I need to actually experience them.  Although I usually think about something for some time before I actually do it, occasionally I just jump in and do something.  I wonder if that occurs when I have been feeling an urge for change, yet haven’t settled on anything.  Then something unexpected comes along and I go for it.

I wonder, too, why my response to joining the social scene was different after my divorce compared to after the death of my second husband.  I lost a marriage both times.  I grieved both times.  Yet the divorce seemed to give me a freedom, whereas the loss of my husband just filled me with loss.  Maybe the difference was in what I grieved.  In the divorce I grieved the loss of my marriage.  But when I lost my husband, I grieved for the loss of HIM.  Quite a difference, really.  Like in one of my earlier posts where I compared being alone with being lonely.  So it seems that is is, perhaps, not life’s experiences themselves that change my actions or reactions  but my feelings prior and after the experience.

Well.  This doesn’t seem like a very satisfactory conclusion to my post, but I seems to have said all I wanted to say.  This writing business is kind of weird sometimes.  I feel such a need to write, then suddenly I’m finished.  There is no more to come out. So until next time….

 

 

Which first?

6 May

I have a desire to write today, but there is a conflict within me as to which topic to address.  I have been reflecting on many things lately.  Perhaps I will write two different blogs.  Or I may find that writing just one fulfills my need to write and postpone the other for another time.

I want to write about my continued small efforts in learning Spanish.  And when I started writing this post I really thought that was going to be its direction.  The following is my original–before edited–second paragraph:

In looking at my posts from the Admin page, I noticed one I began last November.   It is a Spanish  post.  I was trying to tell about an event that I read about in a book.  I still would like to finish that blog–someday. But today, my Spanish is taking me in another direction.  And it seems that  it is this direction that has the greatest urgency to get out of me.

So, as I said, I thought this post was going to be about Spanish.  But it isn’t.  I guess, like many of my posts, it is about me.  About more of the things that make me who I am.

I always edit my posts several times before I get it the way it seems to flow best to tell my thoughts.  I will usually cut and paste paragraphs to put them in a different position.   As my thought flow into my hands I seem to change course as I go.  Once in a while I will completely remove a paragraph that just doesn’t go with the way my thoughts have traveled.  But for some reason, today I felt the need to leave the paragraph about intending to write the Spanish post.  (Maybe is my note to myself not to forget about it,)

Sometimes  after I have posted I see things that I wish I would have said differently.  Occasionally I change a post, but usually just leave it.  In a way it seems to help me to go back and read what I had previously written.  I can then reflect on whether I still feel the same way or if I have changed.

While I have always had ideas and thoughts swirling around in my mind, writing is still somewhat new to me.  The actual putting my thoughts down, where they are open to all is a little scary, but mostly it’s exhilarating.  Although I don’t understand why, it really gives me a thrill to actually write.

I recently told a friend that I have always made up stories in my head.  I had felt that I was an oddity because of this.  But she told me that she did that too.  She said probably many people do.  She said that her husband had said she ought to be a writer, with all her stories.  I wonder if my stories are why I feel the need to write?

I doubt if I will ever actually write my stories.  They evolve and become more like sagas.  Sometimes months or even years will go by and then some event triggers a memory and I’m back to a certain family or individual from one of my stories.   (Before I mentioned my stories to my friend I used to refer to them in my mind as “the books in my head”.)

I’ve realized, lately, that these stories have a purpose.  Sometimes they have just filled a feeling of aloneness  inside me.  By the way, I do know that aloneness is not really a word, but that is the feeling I have had sometimes.  Not really lonely.  Just alone.

Although, I have also used the stories when I was feeling lonely, wanting to be with others or missing someone, I have used them most often when I was feeling alone.  Feeling alone–aloneness–can occur even when others are around.  It’s hard to explain, but it is a feeling of being separate, not completely a part of what is going on around me.  That feeling would sometimes carry over for days or perhaps even weeks where  in little moments of quiet I enjoy my “stories”.

One of the reason, aside from my feeling of being an oddity, that I had never mentioned my stories to anyone before was because of the movie “Psycho”.    I didn’t want anyone to think I was turning into someone else.  This seems a little silly now, because I knew I had a grip on reality.  It was just stories.

Yet, in a way, I became a part of those stories.  I felt the emotions.  Now I realize that the stories have helped vent emotions that were bottled up inside of me.  Even now, sometimes I use the stories to release a strong emotion that for some reason or other I just can’t face in my day to day life.  I can cry, laugh, be enraged, etc about the stories, instead of venting on those around me.  As I write this I realize that is how people use movies, music and maybe even sports and other entertainment.

Now that I no longer feel guilty for my stories, they have taken hold of me in a new way.  I have starting writing/composing songs in my mind.  Again, they will probably never be written, but they fill a need inside of me.  

And through those “songs in my head” I have become enthralled with some types of music that I never before liked.  I do want to write about that, but not quite yet.  I want to see if it is just a temporary quirk or if is is something that will remain.

Even though, once again, this post has turned into something completely different than what I had intended, it has expressed some thoughts and feelings inside me.  And this time, interestingly enough, I believe I still have the time, energy, desire to write the Spanish post.  So, hopefully, you will soon see that one.

 

Am I a Doer or just a Thinker?

4 Apr

I’ve always thought of myself as a doer.  But lately I’ve been wondering if maybe I am really more of just a thinker.  Somehow the idea of being just a thinker has never appealed to me.  I’ve always thought of myself as being out there, actually doing something.

Yet so very, very often it is just ideas that grab me.  Of course I have desires and sometimes even intentions of acting on the ideas.  But most of the time I don’t.  Sometimes I berate myself because of this inaction to DO something.

Now though, I seem to slowly be coming to the conclusion that it’s acceptable, maybe even beneficial to my self to be just a thinker.  And maybe, just maybe, I will get to the place where I won’t even have to attach the “just” to the thinker part.

So many things grab my interest.  Natural buildings.  Gardening,  Self-sufficiency.  Those have been my mainstays over the years.  Then there are the ones that seem to come and go–sewing, knitting, art, technology, outdoor recreation, healthy eating, and food in general.

I’ve always been interested in tying new things.  But–perhaps it is just that I’m getting older–but now it seems that I’m not really doing so much.  Yet, surprisingly I don’t feel regret.

No regret that I haven’t canoed the backwaters of northern MN, for instance.  (I had taken an Outdoor Women class with my granddaughter and enjoyed the canoeing part so much I wanted to do more.)  I found the MN and other sites on the web.  I ordered flyers of canoeing events from MN, NY, FL and GA.  I checked out Road Scholar canoe events in different places.  Many were women only, but not all.  I intended to take in a canoeing event somewhere, sometime.  But, it just seemed the sometime never came.  (Although when I think back on it now, I do remember the 2 day trip I took down one of our area rivers.  Perhaps that trip was sufficient enough to prove that I could do it.  Now I’m wondering–do I do things more because I want/like to or to prove I can??  I’ll have to think on this and maybe get back to it later.)

I’ve been giving the excuse of wanting to be with family.   This excuse is in my mind, to myself mostly, because really it is only to me–not others–that it matters weather or not I do something.  When I think of it now, I realize that although it is true I like to be with family, they certainly haven’t been keeping me from doing things.  Indeed, in the past, when I’ve participated in different activities, it has enriched my interaction with my family.

I wonder now, if maybe I am just slowing down.  Or maybe I’ve just been going through a slump and will regenerate again.  Who knows?

I smile as I read this.  It seems I’ve gotten off of my original thought.  But maybe I haven’t.  Maybe it’s the thoughts (notice I’m not saying ‘just the thoughts’) of doing things that have sustained me.

I’m slowly realizing that it’s OK to be just interested in things.  I don’t have to actually do everything (or even anything, for that matter) that interests me.  I can enjoy talking about things that interest me.  I can enjoy writing about them.  And I can enjoy thinking. just thinking, about them.  Thinking about things that I am interested in is a wonderful part of who I am.  It keeps me energized–on the inside even when it doesn’t carry through to acting on the ideas.

It gives me a kind of thrill, now, realizing that I have discovered something new about myself.  Just in writing this post!  I’m becoming so much more accepting of myself.  I’m learning to actually like who I am.  Not everything, of course.  I still have a long way to go in some aspects of my life.  But, it’s good that I can now say (again, mostly in my mind, to myself) that I’m ok with who I am.  It’s ok to be a thinker.  It’s even more than just ok.  It’s a good thing.

Thinking is something that I can take with me everywhere, anytime.  It isn’t reserved for special occasions or special times.  It has been and will continue to be my constant companion.  It always has been.  It’s just taken me a long time to value it.

So back to my original question…. I believe I am both a Doer and a Thinker.  Each has its place and its time.  One is not necessarily better than the other.  They are both a part of who I am.

Now I’m thinking ahead of posts that I will write.  About all my interests.  Sometimes I’ve thought about writing about something, but didn’t because I hadn’t had any practical experience with it.  But now, maybe I will write about something just because it interests me.  I can post the workshop events that excite me.  About the technology that amazes while sometimes frustrates me.  The questions of what would it be like if….

And I’ll keep learning.  About myself, about things around me, things that interest me.  I’ll leave the things of the old self behind.  It was good for then, but this is now.  I’m not the same person I was yesterday.  Nor will I be the same person in my tomorrows.  Maybe I won’t be actively canoeing in my tomorrow, but I can be in my dreams.  And, who knows?  Maybe tomorrow will bring a new surge of energy or a new interest.  Or maybe an old interest will reawaken within me.  Maybe I will just have period of reflecting, discarding, and renewing just by thinking.  I want/need to continue to enjoy the learning and not regret the leftovers.  Because they, too, are part of what makes me who I am.

No time for……

15 Dec

So much has been going on lately, that here I am in the middle of the night, writing.  This post has a strange title, but it sums up my feelings.  I have been itching to write this post for some time, but something else always took priority.  Whenever I would think of writing in my blog or doing one of my enjoyable hobbies, that familiar phrase “I haven’t time” kept coming to my mind.

I haven’t time.  Such a silly expression, really.  Every moment we are alive, time is the one thing we DO have!  It is just that I often want to do more than one thing in the moments.  I’ve been thinking about the concept of “being present in the moment”; meaning to really think about and experience whatever I’m doing at that time.  I feel I don’t do this nearly enough.  Seems like there is so many things going through my mind that often I miss enjoying and actually being in the moment.

Since October I have been busy with family.  Visiting and having them here.  Wonderful times together.  Something I value very much.  But, as always, when I’m busy with one thing, other things have to fall behind.  We can’t have or do everything.  And, if we could we wouldn’t value things as much.  I believe I value the special times so much, partly because they are special.

Back to this post’s title.  I do have time.  It is comforting to remind myself of that and realize the time I spend with my family is a choice.  I have decided that being with them is the most important thing for that time.  And, even tonight when I can’t sleep, I am choosing to write this post instead of lying here awake or playing a game on my iPad.  How I spend so many of my moments is the result of a choice.  I have time for what I choose to have time for.

So instead of regretting the things I haven’t been doing, I want to value those things that I have been experiencing.  I want  to consciously think about the choices I make, to know that I am doing what I am at present because it is what I choose to do with my time at this moment.  I want to value each moment for what it is.

Along with blogging my drawing has been on hold.  And I’m longing to get back to that also.  I have been taking pictures and clipping pics from the web–all the while thinking of how I can draw them.  I even talked to my little granddaughter about some of them the other day.  How I treasure these moments of sharing with those I love!

Well, two days have passed since I started this post.  I’ve had lots of different moments during that time, some good and some not so good.  But today I again visited with those close to me and value it–indeed more than anything else I might have done.  So it seems I am learning to value my moments.

My knitting is on the back burner at present.  I did talk to one granddaughter about making her another scarf for this winter.  She mentioned that her other one is too little.  So I hopefully I will remember to take my knitting with me on my next trip.  I really missed it on my last one.  Guess I packed to quickly.  I took my sketch books, but the situation wasn’t right for that.  It would have been right for knitting, but I had forgot it.  That’s just how life goes sometimes.  At least for me.

The other night (before I started writing this post) I stumbled onto a blog about drawing  www.starrpoint.blogspot.com.  The first article I found was about drawing snow in the winter landscape.  I have really been drawn to winter scenes lately.  I liked the post so much that I skimmed though others.  In the archives I read the first post.  It is a poem about finally calling herself an artist.  Just a name for something she has been all along.  I really appreciated the poem.  So I now I wonder, since I have such a need to write and so enjoy writing this blog, does that make me a writer?  Like the artist felt, the title seems too big or important for what I’m doing.  But, maybe???   Kind of thrilling to even think of having such a title, that maybe I could be a writer!

Meanderings

15 Nov

Today I want to write a post, but not really sure yet what it will be.  Sometimes when I write I have a specific subject in mind.  But not today.  Today I just want to write.  I guess it must be a creative thing.

I remember in college ‘creative writing’ was mentioned.  I really don’t remember what that was, just remember the phrase.  So I checked Wikipedia.  After glancing at it, it decided I will just leave it a leftover phrase in my mind.  It went into much more detail than I want.

So, today I’m just meandering.  It seems strange that I have such a need to write when I really have nothing to say, but that’s just how it is.

Most of the trees have lost their leaves here, except some of the oaks that tend to hold onto them.  Further south there are still lots of leaves, colors fading but still pretty.  I love the fall.  I remember a book I used to read to the children about 4 puppies that grew through the season.  It told of the changing seasons and how the puppies grew.  For fall, I remember the phrase “leaves crisp as cornflakes covered the ground”.  It also told of a brisk wind.  So many times when I go out in the leaves I think of that story.

I love the look of winter, but the older I get the less I enjoy the cold.  I have thought about going south, but aside from the cost, I think I would miss the season.  I do love seeing the snow, playing in it, and even enjoy shoveling.  Reflecting on it I realize that I expect to be cold when I go out in winter.  It’s the being cold inside the house I don’t like.

Part of the problem is I don’t want to spend so much for heat.  I know that if I covered the windows with heaver drapes or shades it would be warmer.  But I love looking out at the stars.  I even like looking out from different rooms when I wake up in the night.  So, as in most things, I realize it is a trade off.  At present I have chosen to dress more warmly, covering myself with a throw while I’m sitting and enjoy the outside view.

As I sit here I see the wall beside my piano.  I wish, as I often do, that I was good at building things, like my daughter.  Then I would put up some floating shelves to hold my music.  I might even have room for a hanging guitar stand.  I get many ideas, but mostly they just remain ideas.

I like my house, and especially so with the remodeling that my daughter has done for me.  I always have more projects.  But in a way it is good that she doesn’t get at them quickly.  Cause I often change my mind after thinking about it for awhile.

At present we have cut an opening in the wall between the living room and kitchen.  That really helped the kitchen feel more a part of the house and a much more spacious room.  She removed a pantry and I put a new fridge where it had been.  She then built a new, smaller pantry on the other side of the opening.  I’ve removed some of my upper cabinet doors.  I like that look.  Also repainted them.  I love the little recessed pantry she put in one wall.  It is just the right size for my spices and quart jars of beans and grains.  Is’t amazing how much I can get in there.  She was able to use the doors from the old pantry for the both the new one and the recessed one.

Now I’m thinking of  having her add another double door recessed one under the opening.  I could use the doors that were on the upper cabinets.  We still have to make a shelf extending over stove and to upper cabinet over fridge.  But for that one I need to wait until I get another microwave.

I love my present microwave–it is a Sharp.  I think it is a convection micro.  It bakes, broils, and toasts as well as microwaves.  I don’t use the broil or toast much but use the bake all the time.  The only time I use my range oven is when someone comes and we bake a large amount.  However, it has a few drawbacks.  It is getting old and takes a lot longer to cool down.  The wattage is lower than the newer convection micros I’ve checked out.  Also it takes up counter space and I don’t have a lot.

After the range exhaust fan and light quit I started looking for a replacement.  I like the micro-hood my daughter has.  As I looked, I found convection micro-hoods.  I have almost decided on a GE one.  The local Sears store had carried one, but I didn’t see it the last time I was there.  They are still on the website.  So as soon as I save up some money I hope to get one.  With the micro-hood and the recessed pantry and shelf, my kitchen remodel will be finished.

That probably won’t be until after the first of the year, because I need a camera right now, so that takes priority in the money department.  Also I tend to take trips in the fall and early winter.  Although there are always trade-offs, I love having the options.  I even love planning ahead and deciding which projects I want the most.  How boring life would be if we had all the money in the world and didn’t have to plan and choose!

As I said, I love my house.  Sitting here in my living room, covered with a throw, laptop on my lap, I can see out the windows of four different room.  I love this open feeling.  But strangely enough, my house lot is nestled with woods around.  I like that too.  I have small open areas, but the woods around give me a safe, comfortable feeling.

Just now out my living room window to the left, I see a mockingbird in my magnolia tree.  Beyond is the road, with the woods on the other edge, continuing down the hill.  Traffic goes by, but I’m snug in my own little world.  Looking right, through the dining room sliding doors I see my deck, open lawn, with woods to back.  I have an old apple tree in the corner just this side of the woods.  Behind me, beyond the carport are my woods.  (The woods on all the other sides belong to others.)  Ahead of me to the right I can see the trees beyond my bedroom window.   I can see through  into my kitchen, another window, but that view is just of the house siding where the laundry area juts out.  I do like to see plants on that windowsill, the sun catchers in the window and the wine glasses overhead framing the window.

Just now, after previewing this post i realized that I should add pics of my remodeling.  Then I had a better idea.  I will change photo page to the title of Featured Photos.  I will add categories.  One will be remodeling.  I;ll probably have another be garden.  I can always add other categories as the need arises.  That way all the photos will be in one place.  I’m not really good yet at inserting photos into my posts anyway.  I’ll be adding the photos soon.

Well, I have meandered quite a bit today.   Just a walk through my scattered mind   Looks like I’m going to have to put this post in more than one category.  And I must remember to add the tags.

Random thoughts of this week

20 Jul

As I drove to the city today a lot of thoughts were going through mind–things I wanted to write in my blog..   I found myself wishing I had a tape recorder with me, so I would be able to post them when I got home.  But I didn’t have one, so hope to remember at least some of them.

I still seem to be in the writing or communication mode.  If I get this and another post I am working on completed by tomorrow that will be five posts this week!  A record, one I probably won’t keep up as I seem to go in spurts.   And according to my blog stats this week was a record high for the number of views my blog received.

I’ve been thinking how everything is really all connected.  I noticed a strange thing recently.  I was staying at a home that has enamel sinks.  One was really stained.  I wondered if some Comet and scouring would clean it.  Then one morning while brushing my teeth, I noticed that there were clean spots on the sink.  I realized it was where my toothpaste had dripped.  So I tried rubbing other areas with some toothpaste and it did seem to clean it.  But it cleaned best when the toothpaste sat on the spot a bit. This triggered a memory that I have heard, that using too much toothpaste can take the enamel off our teeth.  Well, it makes sense when I think about it.  I guess enamel is enamel.  I’ve never been a science whiz, but as I understand it our body’s are composed of minerals, etc.

Another thing I was thinking about was the title for this post.  One of my first post’s title is Musings for today.  So I wondered if I should have a different title for each post.  Then I thought that instead I think I will have some post titles that I use over and over.  Since I’m interested in so many different things, some people may like to view just certain content in my posts.  Using the same titles will be a way for you, my readers, to choose those posts you most enjoy.  I don’t know enough about blogs to know if this is common or not.  But I remember my sons telling me “it’s your blog, you can do what you want with it”.  I like that.

You have probably realized by now-at least if you have been reading my posts for awhile-that I’m an individualist.  (Some people would call it stubborn or worse.)  But the fact is I like to do things my way.  As I write that it sounds like a bad things.  And it can be if I would be pushy about it.  But I think (and hope) that I also give others the same option–to do things their way.  So it seems to me that not being afraid to do or try something, to be a little ‘different’ can be a good thing.  Someone mentioned today that God made us all different and yet we try so hard to all be the same.  We talked about how much better it would be if we could all except ourselves and others as we are and treasure the differences.

Someone brought up the movie about Temple Grandin.  It is a true story about an girl/woman that has an autism condition and became famous, She insisted she could understand how it feels to be a cow and experience harsh treatment from humans.  She advocated for humane treatment of animal and demonstrated alternative methods of accomplishing tasks involving animals.  Many of her methods are used around the world today.  She didn’t let her ‘difference’ stop her.  I like that.

You know it’s been hot when it’s 93 degrees and it feel nice!  So different from several weeks of over 100, and many days with high humidity too.  I can take the heat a LOT better than the humidity.  Humidity just saps my energy level and I feel I can hardly breathe.  I guess with so much air conditioning around everywhere it is hard for my body to adjust to the heat.   But so glad we have the a/c!

Today, again, I noticed the beauty of nature. When I went outside this morning I felt the cool breeze on my cheek.  On my drive  I loved to see the huge bales of hay in the fields.  The few spotty rains we’ve had lately have done an amazing job of greening up some areas.  As I look out the window just now I see the leaves blowing in the wind, casting shadows one place and then another.  And I wonder is it possible to draw in a way to show the breeze?  Even if it is, it would only be just a copy, never as good as feeling the real thing.  But still stirring, if drawn well.

Then again, who’s to say what is drawing well?  Different things speak to different people.  To me it seems we need to find what stirs our hearts and then fill our life with it.  So what stirs you?

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