My changeable life

27 Dec

Seems like it’s been ages since I posted.  It’s not that I’ve been too busy–although I have been busier than usual.  Maybe I just didn’t have anything to say.  Or maybe nothing I wanted to share.

It’s funny.  Sometimes I just can hardly wait to write, to get my thoughts down, whether anyone reads them or not.  But other times, even though I have thoughts, sometimes many of them, it seems I have to keep them to myself–at least for awhile.  And then there are times–like today–where I really don’t have any specific thought or theme, yet I want to write.  So I meander around and somehow end up with something readable–at least I hope so.

I’ve really enjoyed the traveling I’ve done this fall and early winter.  I can’t remember a time when I had such leisurely trips.  I had enough time to get to where I was going without having to push.  And some trips didn’t even have a specific deadline, which I thoroughly took advantage of.

I took lots of pics.  Some I want to try to paint or draw.  Yet most of the pics don’t do justice to the scenes.  Not that most of the scenes were so great.  But I was awed again by the splendid beauty of nature and the touches we humans add to the mix.  I found myself enjoying both.

In a trip to Minnesota I marveled at the changing scenery.  I would be driving along, seeing mile after mile of cropland.  America’s breadbasket, my father used to say.  Then just when I was getting a little tired of it, the scene would change to rolling hills with trees in the canyons.  Or I would be on the plains, only to drop down into a little village in the river bottom.  Then climb back up to the table land again.  There were be woody areas, followed by vast open, slightly rolling land.  Places I would come up over a hill and I could see for miles.  And open areas where the sky seemed so big and the road went on and on.  So thrilling to see and be driving through!   I didn’t get pics of all that I would have liked, because this was a one person road trip and I really didn’t want to stop EVERY time I saw something I liked.  And often I was past before it registered and I would think: Oh, I wish I had a pic of that!

Then there were a couple of trips to Mississippi.  One had a bit of a deadline going down, but not coming back.  Again, I loved that.  On the second trip, I headed on to northern Florida where I plan to stay for the winter.  On all these trips I enjoyed being able to plan my own route, to be able to get off the beaten path, to see something new, just because it took my fancy.  Such freedom!  And memories that make me smile as I think of them.  Nothing big or grand, but special just the same.

As I write this I realize that I have found some of the joys of being alone.  Not that I don’t still miss my husband.  I do.  Sometimes, still, so much that it makes me ache.  Yet I’m slowly learning that I can still have a life and that I can enjoy that life.

The trips, and subsequent decision to winter in Florida came about because I knew I would just vegetate if I remained home, especially as cooler weather approached.  I used to love winter, enjoyed playing in the snow and even shoveling walks.  But the older I got, the colder the winters seemed, especially after the death of my husband.

Contemplating another cold winter alone, I knew I had to make some changes.  Even though I had added some activities in my life since the last winter, I knew I wouldn’t want to even get out to do them if it was cold, or bad weather.  Henceforth the trips and the idea of wintering in Florida.

So, now I’m in Florida, in the Jacksonville area.  The weather is wonderful!  Last week was in the 70’s and 80’s. I was thinking that I had brought way too warm of clothing.  But it did cool off a bit for Christmas.  Today it is sweater weather for me. But I’ve noticed most of the ‘natives’ wearing jackets.  I’ve been walking a lot.  Not every day, but certainly more than I have for a long while.  I love exploring my neighborhood on foot, taking pics of special things or things I may want write about or try to draw/paint later.

In my head I am, even now, composing new posts to add of my activities while here.  However,there is so much to do down here.  So many things that I will have to pick and choose carefully. Cause I don’t want to be so busy that I don’t have the quiet times that I so need.  Or the time to do some unplanned, spur of the moment things.   And I know as I add more things to my calendar, I may not feel the need to write.  Then again, I may.  The only thing I can accurately be assured of about myself is that I am changeable!

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