I have to admit

21 May

Yes, sadly, I have to admit that I have fallen into a little slump lately. Things have seemed, just–well, just a little blah. I’m not really down, but just feel a little off, somehow. I don’t have quite the energy and enthusiasm of the past several month.

Contemplating this, I wonder about the cause. Is it (horrible thought) that the “new” is wearing off of my new living experience? Or is it, that knowing I will soon be leaving for at least several months, makes me think of all that I will miss while I’m gone? Or. Is it something else?

Could it be that again, as too often in the past, I have begun to think about what I don’t have?  The top on THAT list, would be a significant other. No one to share my days and nights with. No one to listen to all my thoughts and feelings, No one with which to share the enjoyment of life with. I suppose the list could go on and on.

So, which is the cause? Probably a combination of all of the above. I know it is sometimes difficult for me to sustain interest in activities. I seem to be attracted to the new. Yet, I truly enjoy all my activities down here, and I do realize that life just doesn’t always offer new opportunities. But, now as I’m writing this, I realize that I have several new things planned for the months ahead.

Ok, say the new hasn’t worn off yet. Why am I not able to joyfully embrace the new activities in the next several months? The activities I enjoy here will still be here when I return. I may even find deeper enjoyment in them after being gone for awhile.

Which leaves me to the dreaded conclusion. I’ve been having a pity party! Not a full blown one–thankfully I’ve recognized it before it reached that stage. The possibility that this might be the cause of my slump came to me this morning, in a very simple incident.

I had walked down to the Dollar store for a few items. It was still nice and cool and as I smiled when I met people and spoke to a few, I realized how much I was enjoying the moment. I also notified that others seemed to return the smile. And I realized, how often I forget to enjoy the simple things, and how those brief moments can brighten our day so much. When I get so caught up in my own feelings and thoughts, I miss many pleasures of life. I also miss giving a taste of those little pleasures to others. I remember in one of my earlier posts I wrote about how I can brighten another’s day.

Even, now, as I think of the that day at the store, my heart swells. There is so much in this life that brings enjoyment, so many simple pleasures that can enrich my life. Why do I let myself get so bogged down at times? I really don’t know. But I do know, and am very glad that I don’t have to stay down. That is my choice.

I want to learn how to think each day of finding something to savor and then share it with others, if possible. I want to look more for the beauty of life and when I find it, I want to take the time to appreciate it.

PS:  I wrote this post some time ago, then got busy and didn’t post it.  Today, as I read over what I wrote a few months ago, I realize I have learned something else about myself.

As I was reading, I wondered–why do I let myself get–well, I guess I get bogged down in myself? Although I don’t really to admit it, maybe it’s just a part of who I am. I’m usually an upbeat person–but not always. But, really isn’t that that’s ok? Because I’m certainly NOT super woman. I will have my down times, just like everyone else. At least, now, I am becoming more aware of my feelings and ways to pull myself out of the dumps.

Perhaps the most important thing for me, is just to admit where I’m at–what the condition of my thinking and feeling is at the moment. Then, if I find it isn’t where I want to be, I can find ways to change–to become what I want to be. For I am a person, ever changing, learning, and hopefully improving.

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