Archive | May, 2014

I have to admit

21 May

Yes, sadly, I have to admit that I have fallen into a little slump lately. Things have seemed, just–well, just a little blah. I’m not really down, but just feel a little off, somehow. I don’t have quite the energy and enthusiasm of the past several month.

Contemplating this, I wonder about the cause. Is it (horrible thought) that the “new” is wearing off of my new living experience? Or is it, that knowing I will soon be leaving for at least several months, makes me think of all that I will miss while I’m gone? Or. Is it something else?

Could it be that again, as too often in the past, I have begun to think about what I don’t have?  The top on THAT list, would be a significant other. No one to share my days and nights with. No one to listen to all my thoughts and feelings, No one with which to share the enjoyment of life with. I suppose the list could go on and on.

So, which is the cause? Probably a combination of all of the above. I know it is sometimes difficult for me to sustain interest in activities. I seem to be attracted to the new. Yet, I truly enjoy all my activities down here, and I do realize that life just doesn’t always offer new opportunities. But, now as I’m writing this, I realize that I have several new things planned for the months ahead.

Ok, say the new hasn’t worn off yet. Why am I not able to joyfully embrace the new activities in the next several months? The activities I enjoy here will still be here when I return. I may even find deeper enjoyment in them after being gone for awhile.

Which leaves me to the dreaded conclusion. I’ve been having a pity party! Not a full blown one–thankfully I’ve recognized it before it reached that stage. The possibility that this might be the cause of my slump came to me this morning, in a very simple incident.

I had walked down to the Dollar store for a few items. It was still nice and cool and as I smiled when I met people and spoke to a few, I realized how much I was enjoying the moment. I also notified that others seemed to return the smile. And I realized, how often I forget to enjoy the simple things, and how those brief moments can brighten our day so much. When I get so caught up in my own feelings and thoughts, I miss many pleasures of life. I also miss giving a taste of those little pleasures to others. I remember in one of my earlier posts I wrote about how I can brighten another’s day.

Even, now, as I think of the that day at the store, my heart swells. There is so much in this life that brings enjoyment, so many simple pleasures that can enrich my life. Why do I let myself get so bogged down at times? I really don’t know. But I do know, and am very glad that I don’t have to stay down. That is my choice.

I want to learn how to think each day of finding something to savor and then share it with others, if possible. I want to look more for the beauty of life and when I find it, I want to take the time to appreciate it.

PS:  I wrote this post some time ago, then got busy and didn’t post it.  Today, as I read over what I wrote a few months ago, I realize I have learned something else about myself.

As I was reading, I wondered–why do I let myself get–well, I guess I get bogged down in myself? Although I don’t really to admit it, maybe it’s just a part of who I am. I’m usually an upbeat person–but not always. But, really isn’t that that’s ok? Because I’m certainly NOT super woman. I will have my down times, just like everyone else. At least, now, I am becoming more aware of my feelings and ways to pull myself out of the dumps.

Perhaps the most important thing for me, is just to admit where I’m at–what the condition of my thinking and feeling is at the moment. Then, if I find it isn’t where I want to be, I can find ways to change–to become what I want to be. For I am a person, ever changing, learning, and hopefully improving.

All I can do is laugh

1 May

Last week my laptop did a really strange thing.  I was using it when the screen went black and startled me with a loud continuous buzzing.  I tried pushing the Alt/Control/Del with no success.  Then I unplugged it and continued pushing buttons.  Suddenly, the noise quit and the computer turned off.  I was really afraid that is was fried!

I decided to leave it for awhile.  Later, fearing that I might not be able to get in, I turned it on.  Surprise!  It booted up as usual.  I couldn’t see anything wrong, so continued what I had been doing when it crashed.  I then went to YouTube to look up something, only to find that their was no sound!  I checked the Control Panel/sound, and it showed the same volume I have always had.  So, of course, I thought that whatever the crashing problem was, it had taken out my sound.

I wasn’t happy about that, but decided I could live with it.  (I’ve been shopping for a replacement iPad, and certainly didn’t want to get another laptop too.)  After a few days I was on practicing my Spanish on www.duolingo.com and realized the sound was working!  I really didn’t understand how it could have fixed itself, but I wasn’t going to complain.  However, when I tried YouTube again later, it still wasn’t working.  Rats!

Well, those of you who are more computer savvy than I, are probably shaking your heads!  But although I was perplexed I still couldn’t figure it out.  Okay, besides shaking your head you are probably thinking ‘that poor woman’.  But if you think that is bad, just read on.

Yesterday I had been online comparing prices and models of i Pads.  I had also been looking at houses for sale.  There were papers all around me where I had jotted down prices and addresses.  I was using my laptop to search the sites, and my iPad to find the address.  My phone was also nearby in case I wanted to compare two different sites.   In the midst of all this my brother called.

I am always happy to talk to him, but unfortunately right then part of my mind was still half on what I’d been doing.  So I was gathering up the papers, sorting them into piles, turning off the laptop and iPad when suddenly I wondered where my phone was.  I knew it had been right there!  I remembered laying it on the arm of the couch. I searched down in the cushions, but couldn’t find it.  I was beginning to panic—I must have my phone.  Then (I guess I must have been a little of topic??) and my brother ask if I was busy.  I started to tell him, I couldn’t find my ph…..Oh Wait!…..HOW STUPID CAN I GET!!!!!!

I burst out laughing.  I told him what a stupid, stupid sister he had.  I also told him the next time when he can’t find something–we both are convinced it must be an age thing–to just remember, he isn’t as bad as his younger sister!  We agreed that, even though we do things that are really crazy sometimes, it is good we can laugh about it.  Sometimes that’s ALL we can do.  Laugh and shake our heads.  That’s so much better than getting mad, which would only  upset us more.  Maybe this silliness is due old age, maybe it’s too much multi-tasking, maybe just not paying attention to detail.  Whatever the cause, it is just something we seem to have to live with.  So if laughing helps us handle it, great!

Oh, and just a few minutes ago I figured out why the sound on YouTube hasn’t been working.  I usually use my iPad for YouTube.  It has a slider tab for the sound.  But my laptop doesn’t.  However, it does have–I found–a little icon for sound.  I selected it, and wonder of wonders I again have sound!  In turning it off and on (just checking) I realized there is a little ‘x’ beside the icon when the sound is off.  I don’t know when I pushed it off.  Perhaps when I was using the pause, since the icons are side-by-side.  Whenever it was, I only noticed it after my laptop had frozen.  Such a simple thing, don’t know why I never noticed that icon before.

Even as I continue to laugh and shake my head when I think of these experiences, I realize that at least I have learned something today.  I am a tiny bit more computer savvy than before.  I still don’t know why my laptop crashed that day, but since it is working now I’m not going to fret about it.

I was going to text this to the daughter I had told about my sound problem, but decided to post it here instead.   My silliness is still making me smile, so it might bring a smile or laugh to others.  If so maybe it’s worth it.  In fact, maybe it’s even worth it to me.  I probably needed a good laugh too .

 

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